Being the Jewish part of an interfaith family isn't without its challenges. Especially when, like me, being the Jewish influence in my family is because I converted after I was married.
"Winterfaith" seems a much more apt description for me than "interfaith." We're not observing two religions; I was raised Jewish, and my partner was not. Together, we are raising our children as Jewish campers, and even after 15+ years of our relationship, 11 of which with at least one child, the winter holidays are when our "interfaith" background proves to be the most challenging.
When I was a child growing up in the 1980s, the story I learned about Thanksgiving followed the classic script: it highlighted amity between the Pilgrims and their Indigenous neighbors. Due to this connection, the hunger of the European settlers was met with squash and turkey.
One of my most treasured memories is of my husband buying Purim carnival wristbands for our children. This act might seem small, but it symbolized a significant shift for us. See, my husband isn't Jewish, but we are raising a Jewish family.
In the weeks leading up to my civil divorce, I delved into Jewish tradition to see how I could mark it Jewishly. I'd been married under a chuppah with the exquisite blessings of our tradition; simply marking my divorce in the Cook County courthouse was not going to suffice.
I have always considered myself to be a Jewish Canadian, rather than a Canadian Jew. I couldn't tell you why I have always chosen to primarily identify by my religion first and then my citizenship; there is no defining moment in my life that explains that one way or the other. Being Jewish has always been my primary identity.
I’ve been pretty open about how I discovered my Jewish heritage and my subsequent decision to convert, in part to reclaim that part of my family’s identity.
Growing up, I saw Yizkor as a mysterious event on Yom Kippur afternoon. The grownups would return to temple in the afternoon, while my sister and I stayed home. There was no explanation, just an understanding that this was a thing our parents and grandparents did, and we did not.
When I found out I was pregnant, my mind was immediately filled with questions and plans. When my son Logan was born at 34 weeks, many of those plans quickly changed.
While I think being in an interfaith relationship doesn't affect most of my day-to-day life, it does require an extra level of communication, patience, and respect.