The Real Heartbreak of Komen/Planned Parenthood

The controversy around the defunding/refunding of Planned Parenthood by Susan G. Komen for the Cure can be described, among other things, as disappointing, outrageous, offensive, reckless, narrow-mind and short-sided.  I’ll throw in another:  heartbreaking.

This past December I had the opportunity to spend a few minutes with Ambassador Nancy Brinker, sister of Susan Komen and founder of the organization.  I was one of her “handlers” behind the scenes at the URJ Biennial where Ambassador Brinker was presented with its highest honor, the Maurice N. Eisendrath Bearer of Light Award for Service to the World Community.   By the time I got to meet her, I felt I already knew her.  I had read her bio, watched her tribute video, and of course, over the years, I had supported the Susan G. Komen Foundation:  I ran a 5K Race For the Cure in Central Park as part of the URJ team and I contributed when friends walked or ran for one of the Susan G. Komen events. Backstage, as we made sure Amb. Brinker was comfortable, she and I started chatting.  We talked about the upcoming Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Israel.  We talked about the numerous, nearly insurmountable challenges of running such an event in Israel.  On the day of last year’s event, women from both sides of the Green Line walked side by side. Israelis, Arabs, Jews – from the most secular to the most observant – Christians and Muslims all showed up.  Why?  Because breast cancer doesn’t discriminate.  I put the date for the 2012 Jerusalem event on my calendar.  We took a picture together. And then I mentioned that my own mother passed away because of breast cancer just the year before.  And I did something I almost never do – I cried.  You have to understand, I’m not one who wears my sadness on my sleeve.  From the last weeks of my mother’s life, to her funeral and throughout the seven days of shiva, not a tear was shed.  Not when I sang to my mother her last Shma, nor when I recited Vidui over her. Not when my shirt was rendered at the cemetery, and not when I had to comfort my mother’s countless friends who all felt that they had lost their very best friend.   And yet at that very moment, the tears came.  Uncontrollably. Ambassador Brinker quickly grabbed a box of tissues and offered me words of comfort.  She said to me, “You must miss your mother terribly.  I still miss my sister very much.”  Everyone who has lost someone to breast cancer shares in this tragic bond; it’s a sisterhood no one wants to be a part of. Since Biennial I read Ambassador Brinker’s book Promise Me. There were moments when I couldn’t put it down because I loved reading about the relationship between these two sisters, Nanny and Suzy.  And then there were moments when I had to put it down because I knew how Suzy’s story ended and I didn’t want to rush it. In lieu of a bookmark, I used a tissue as a placeholder because I knew I’d need one when I picked up the book again.  On page 147, Brinker describes a conversation during her last visit with Suzy.  “We have to do something… to help… those women at the hospital.  Make it better… for them… for their families…. Promise me it’ll be better… It has to be talked about. Breast cancer – we have to talk about it.  It has to change… so women know… so they don’t die.  Promise me, Nanny.  Promise… you’ll make it change.”  And Brinker’s response?  “I promise, Suzy, I swear.  Even if it takes the rest of my life…” We know Brinker took the promise seriously.  We know it because we are awash in pink.  We know it because everyone knows Susan G. Komen for the Cure and because you’ve either run in a Race for the Cure or you know (and sponsored) someone else who has.  And we know it because the Susan G. Komen has made millions upon millions of dollars in grants. So this situation about Planned Parenthood, an organization that provides health screening services to women who don’t have coverage and who can’t afford it is heartbreaking.  It’s heartbreaking to me.  It’s heartbreaking to the hundreds of thousands of supporters of the Susan G. Komen for the Cure, because it distracts from the core cause. But what of Susan G. Komen?  “Promise me it’ll be better,” she begged.  After reading the book, there is no doubt in my mind that she would want the funds to go where they are most needed, to the populations where screening and women’s health awareness are not a priority – but where they benefit most.    Surely Suzy’s pleas and intention can’t be pushed aside or forgotten.  What would Susan G. Komen think about this controversy surrounding the funding of Planned Parenthood?  Would she find it acceptable, or like so many of us, would she too feel heartbroken? But enough with the heartbreak.  It’s time for healing.  Echoing Amb. Brinker’s remarks from earlier today, it’s time to “refocus our attention on our mission and get back to doing our work.” Image courtesy of hollywoodreporter.com