
Emphasizing compassion and understanding, Reform Judaism seeks to support individuals and families experiencing divorce by providing spiritual guidance and community resources. Partners may arrive at this moment with a range of emotions: strength and joy, hurt and sadness, relief and exhaustion, or even a blend of all these emotions.
From its beginning, Judaism has recognized divorce. The Torah, which assumes heterosexual marriage, describes rather straightforward divorce procedures during the time of the ancient Israelites: "A householder takes a wife, and he becomes her husband. She fails to please him because he finds something obnoxious about her, and he writes her a bill of divorce (sefer kritut), hands it to her, and sends her away from his house..." (Deuteronomy 24:1).
By the time of the Talmud, more elaborate procedures had developed. In fact, an entire tractate, Gittin,deals primarily with the dissolution of marriage.
Today, both the document and divorce itself are referred to as a "get." While some Reform rabbis suggest that couples arrange for a get at the time of their civil divorce, most do not require proof of a get as a prerequisite for their officiation at a later marriage. As a Movement, Reform Judaism in the United States considers a civil divorce to be sufficient.
Over time, Reform clergy and divorcing individuals have created many new rituals that speak to the former partners' emotional and spiritual needs. These rituals serve as alternatives (and sometimes additions) to a get. The Reform rabbi's manual includes liturgy for an egalitarian "ritual of release" (seder p'ridah) and a template for a "Document of Separation."
Other rituals may include:
- Immersion in a , with a symbolic of supportive friends or family
- A water-based ritual modeled after Rosh Hashanah ritual of symbolically casting off past wrongs and hurts , the
- Tearing or burning of the , or marriage document. Some turn the torn-up pieces into a new piece of art. Others hold on to the document because of family archival value or if both partners are Jewish and there are children, for proof of their children's Jewish status under halachah (Jewish law).
- Saying an intention when removing a wedding band for the final time
- A personalized Shabbat and festivals. ceremony. Havdalah is the brief ritual that marks the conclusion of
- Sipping from a cup of wine. Calling to mind the Jewish wedding where partners may have sipped from a single cup of wine, in this ritual, each partner sips from their own cup.
- Placing special mementos in a keepsake box. Each partner places items that hold meaning to their marriage (ring, ketubah, wedding album, etc.) in a box which is then sealed and stored for family history.
Individuals who are seeking a ritual to mark these transition or moments along the transition are encouraged to reach out to their local Reform clergy for guidance.
Jewish communities have an important tole to offer former partners and their families meaningful support. A synagogue community can provide a space of compassion, understanding, and inclusivity. Explicitly acknowledging divorce as a life event experienced by members of the community helps normalize it as a modern reality and ensure that divorcing partners feel a sense of belonging in the community. Individual community leaders, clergy, and educators can reduce stigma by speaking about divorce in an open and matter-of fact way and not assuming every family includes married parents. Friends who are accustomed to socializing as couples can be intentional about mixing up social groups and engagements.
Clergy and lay leaders can guide individuals and families through the spiritual aspects of this transition, helping them find comfort in Jewish teachings or creative personalized rituals around resilience and personal growth.
Divorce is a significant life transition - a complex and often challenging chapter that can also lead to personal transformation for those involved. Grounded in tradition, but responsive to modern realities, Reform Judaism offers spiritual and communal support to those navigating this milestone. By integrating rituals that provide closure and renewal and fostering inclusive and compassionate communities, the experience of divorce can be one of healing and growth, and individuals can find strength, resilience, and a sense of peace as they move forward.