Helping Kids Find Belonging in a New Home

Nearly a year ago, my husband, son, cat, and I all packed up and drove 12+ hours to move to Colorado from Illinois. This was a huge change for all of us, especially my then-three-year-old son. While any move, whether across the street or across the country, has big implications for everyone, it can be especially difficult for children. Adults are able to choose the city, neighborhood, and living space we move to, kids (especially young ones) don’t have much input. Though this lack of input is somewhat inevitable, it is important to keep in mind that this lack of control can lead to anxiety.

Here are some tips and lessons I learned from my experience that helped ease the transition as we found belonging in a new place.

Get a head start on connecting with a community.

When we moved, one of the things I was most excited about was moving to a place with a larger Jewish community. As we started preparing, I began reaching out to coworkers and acquaintances I already knew who lived in our new city. These folks were a huge help in connecting me with congregations, schools, and neighborhoods that met my family’s needs.

Ask around your current congregation.

If you’re attending a congregation in your current town, let folks know where you’re headed. You never know, they might know someone in your new city! In my case, I discovered that the rabbi of a congregation in my new town had actually been a student rabbi in my Illinois community! Making connections for yourself will help build a community for your kids, too.

Find ways to mark your move Jewishly.

Marking life changes makes room for the big feelings that often accompany big transitions. Luckily for us, there are lots of opportunities to draw on Jewish wisdom for this particular transition. One thing I found helpful was giving my child the opportunity to design his own mezuzah, which I then made and gave to him with a children’s book about moving called “A Mezuzah on the Door." Another particularly meaningful moment has been saying the Shehecheyanu to mark the first time we celebrate different holidays in our new space.

Something that I didn’t do, but wish I did, was create a "farewell" ritual for our old home. Ritualwell offers a couple different options for saying goodbye to your old living space. One of the rituals, inspired by the pre-Passover custom of removing chameitz, could be particularly fun for small children.

Use technology to your advantage.

There’s a lot to be said for helping children know what to expect in a new space. Virtual tours and walkthroughs of your new home can be a way to help children take the relatively abstract concept of moving and translate it into something more concrete. Showing them rooms in your new home and telling them things like “this is going to be your room,” or “here’s where we’ll put your toys” can help give them reassurance and build excitement for where they’re going, rather than focusing on what they’re leaving behind.

Another way technology can help get you and your kids excited about the upcoming move is looking for virtual tours or photos of nearby attractions that you can visit when you relocate. Looking at pictures and taking virtual tours of local children’s museums and local experiences are great ways to build excitement. Taking your kids to these places once you’ve relocated will help reinforce a sense of familiarity.  

Find ways to build excitement about the upcoming move.

Especially if you’re moving to a new area, some trepidation on everyone’s part is expected. However, focusing on the move as an adventure helped alleviate my child’s nerves. Some ways you can help your little one are: reading books about moving, getting them a special toy that’s either waiting for them in their new space or waiting in the car to keep them entertained for a long drive, and talking about all the exciting things the new area holds.

Make sure comfort items are easily accessible.

In the case of my son, there were two must-haves that we made sure were placed beside him in the car: his teddy bear and his favorite book. While we didn’t have much space in my four-door sedan, we made sure he had his favorite toys and entertainment within arm’s reach.

Prioritize your child’s home base.

Once we arrived at our new home, we made sure to unpack my child’s favorite toys, movies, and books as soon as we could and made setting up his room a priority. Even though his room is different from his old room, having his favorite things around him and knowing where to find them helped create a haven of familiarity amidst the chaos of unpacking.

Stay connected with family members and friends.

One of the hardest things about our move for my child was leaving his grandparents, especially my father, who has been my son’s “buddy” since they first met. Thankfully, we have semi-regular video calls so that both my child and my parents are still part of each others’ lives. We also do our best to have video calls for birthdays and holidays so that, even though we’re physically separated, we’re still involved in family events.

If you’re moving, I hope that these tips and ideas can help you and your loved ones find community, build belonging, and thrive in your new home!