Shabbat as a Movie

My rabbi asked, "If Shabbat were a movie, would you stay until the end? Would you walk out in the middle? Would you buy the DVD?" I thought about services and why I try and get there every Friday night. I started, because I wanted to observe Shabbat, to be a part of community/family and worship with my fellow Jews. What makes me continue, what makes me stay – not walk out in the middle? I love the candle lighting, the music, seeing family cycles being blessed. I love the singing and the prayers repeated over and over again that I now know by rote, but is that enough? Not for me. I listen to the rabbi tell us to get quiet and ready ourselves for Shabbat – leave the week behind – focus on your favorite place in the synagogue – and I do. I focus on the lighted candles. I try so hard to shut all the other words and thoughts from my head, and listen, and focus, and find God, find spirituality, to go into that deep place in me, to open myself up. For a few seconds I begin, and then I get distracted, I lose my focus, and my mind wanders, and people and their words or actions (inside the synagogue or whatever happened outside) take space inside my head, and I am not connected any more, but I keep trying. Lately, what I do is close my eyes, and that seems to help, and when the music builds in tempo, that helps. Each week, I begin again – I try again, and the journey, the attempt on my part is what I need. The rabbi's words, the singing, the prayers, the kiddush, the motzi, the candles all help, but it is my job to follow through. So, I don't walk out in the middle, I sit there and help myself to everything available, and I continue to try, because I know that whether or not I like the rabbi's sermon, or the decorations of the new building, the connection with God must begin with me, and I'm thankful to be reminded of this every time I come to services. I stay for the whole "movie" and I see it over and over again, because each time I do – I understand a little bit more. Florence Tannen is a member of Temple Avodah, Oceanside, N.Y.