A Thank-You Note to My Son

Dear Floyd,

I loved spending the weekend with you at Alfred University. Your freshman year is off to a stellar start!

Your dad and I could not be prouder of you as you continue your journey to becoming a responsible adult. I’d like to tell you some of the reasons I am so proud of you and your adjustment to college life.

We have always been a “different kind of family.” You never had any issues adjusting to a world that may have looked at you sideways because you had two dads. You were always kind, polite, and more interested in changing the world than in fighting change. When you told us you were transgender, I was brought back to the 1970s when I was your age and told my parents I was gay. They were frightened that I would be cast aside by friends and family, unable to have a happy life or become a parent. I proved to them that my life was just beginning – and that happiness would certainly come my way.

But you have taken that story to another level.

You came into our lives and taught us how to become loving parents, strong allies of the disadvantaged, and open to any possibility you brought home – including when you told us you were transgender. We supported you by taking you to therapists and doctors, and you supported us with your words of encouragement, worrying more about us than yourself, and allowing us to walk with you on this often difficult journey.

You were blessed with an open and loving congregation, kind and caring friends, and Keshet, the national organization that works for LGBTQ+ equality in all facets of Jewish life. Your involvement with Keshet and your willingness to help everyone in the trans community who comes to you for advice and support makes me proud of you every day.

Now you are becoming an adult; while you still hug us and love us unconditionally, as your parent, I must thank you and tell you you are an inspiration to any parent blessed to have a son like you. We are proud of the person you are becoming and we’re proud of your artistic talent as you create pieces that chronicle your story of becoming the person you need to be.

Floyd, thank you for being an amazing person committed to making the world a better place and someone I will always love unconditionally.

With love and admiration,

Papa

Update (March 2023)

Dear Floyd, 

I remember writing to you during your first semester at Alford University and telling you how proud I was of the person you are becoming. Now, I am writing to you as you prepare to finish your last semester of college and make your way in a very difficult world. 

A lot has changed in our family since you began your four years at Alford University. Your father and I ended our relationship, and he moved to Atlanta while I stayed in Harrisburg as the rabbi of a local synagogue. I’m sure it was difficult for you to see your parents split up, but you handled the change in our family dynamics in a very adult way, understanding that each of us had a different parenting style. You never blamed us for the change in our family…instead, you have always been supportive of both your parents while navigating a different world that is often unkind to the LGBTQ+ community, especially the trans community.

In many ways, the world has gotten more difficult since you began your college career. The world is less accepting of people who are different; it's more judgmental and, in many ways, less kind. You, on the other hand, have always been supportive of the underdog and especially caring to those who are marginalized in a world where hatred often becomes the norm. You, my dear son, are a shining example of what it means to be a mensch (a person of integrity and honor) who often puts other's needs before your own.

You continue to support the transgender community, accepting the challenges of what it means to be the outsider in a difficult world.

Many parents will write to their sons and daughters as they graduate college with words of advice. I’m writing you to remind you have often been the one who is more than capable of giving advice to your parents as we have navigated our own struggles. You are the example of facing adversity head-on while  maintaining your composure, your kindness, and your sense of humor.

I am so proud of the man that you have become, and I can’t wait to see the next chapter of your life. May it be happy and fulfilling, and may God grant you the patience to deal with those who may step in your way.

With love, 

Papa