Becoming B’nei Mitzvah at Any Age

Terms like "bar mitzvah," "bet mitzvah," and "bat mitzvah" typically evoke images of teens reading from the Torah and formally taking their place within the Jewish community. But many Reform congregations offer adult b'nei mitzvah classes, enabling people to participate in this ritual later in life.

"Becoming an adult b'nei mitzvah was an empowering and transformative experience that helped usher me further into my Jewishness," says Chaim Harrison. "I can't recommend it enough."

Identify your "why"

Becoming b'nei mitzvah is a personal decision. Figuring out why it matters to you can help you stay motivated and committed.

Harrison began the process soon after his conversion at age 27.

"It felt natural for becoming a bar mitzvah to be the next step," he says. "I wanted to engage in this rite of passage and become a full-fledged Jewish 'man.'"

Aimee Gindin, who was raised in a secular Jewish home, joined a synagogue after having a child. As she became involved in congregational life, she decided to pursue the path to bat mitzvah.

"It was my way of catching up on something I missed as a child and finally feeling like I was truly part of the community," she says.

Consider informal studies first

Adult b'nei mitzvah students study hard and prepare for months. But many also pursue more informal learning first.

"I spent my first few years reading books, taking an Intro to Judaism course, and attending Torah study and services regularly," Gindin says.

Lynn K. Robbins wasn't thinking about b'nei mitzvah when she started taking Hebrew classes. She was in her late 70s and just looking for Jewish connections.

"I didn't know an aleph from a bet," she says. "But as Hebrew gradually became more familiar to me, I started watching YouTube videos of rabbis reciting prayers and Torah portions."

Embrace the challenge of chanting Hebrew

Robbins felt overwhelmed at the prospect of learning to chant Hebrew, but tutoring from her cantor made all the difference - especially when she received recordings of her Torah portion to listen to outside of their sessions.

"I practiced them every day, listening before bed, in the car, at the gym, or wherever I could wear my headphones," Robbins recounts.

Though Harrison knew how to read Hebrew when he began his bar mitzvah studies, learning to chant Torah was entirely new.

"It was a challenge, but also very affirming and enriching at the same time," he says. "I felt like I was tapping into something ancient and heavy, like it was officially mine to own."

Build your support system

Don't hesitate to invite friends and family to join you for the big day, though how many people you want to invite is up to you (and your synagogue's seating capacity!) Harrison's wife, mother, sister, and friend attended his service, while Robbins invited nearly 100 guests. Gindin fell somewhere in between.

"What stood out most was looking out into the pews and seeing my husband, extended family, and dozens of friends from every chapter of my life all gathered to support me," Gindin says.

"That moment made it feel so real. It wasn't just about learning to chant or read Hebrew. It was about being surrounded by people who mattered to me, marking something deeply personal and meaningful together."

Have a party… or don't

If you've ever attended a teen b'nei mitzvah party, you may feel pressure to throw a big bash. Or you might feel that, because you're an adult, you shouldn't throw one...even though you'd like to.

Here's something great about becoming a b'nei mitzvah as an adult: You get to decide! Robbins, whose bat mitzvah service was just days after her 79th birthday, opted for a celebratory golf-themed soiree, complete with Bloody Marys and a mimosa bar.

"Usually, parents do all the planning and paying for a b'nei mitzvah ," she muses. "I had to do all that plus study! [But] it was an extraordinary Jewish celebration."

Trust the process (and yourself)

When the big day arrives, you may feel a variety of emotions, from assuredness and anticipation to anxiety and apprehension. Try to remember how much work you've done to get here - and find calm where you can.

Gindin says her rabbi's warmth and sense of humor eased her nerves. Robbins's cantor reminded her that most attendees wouldn't notice any mistakes. Harrison became a bar mitzvah alongside other adult students, which offered a sense of solidarity as each chanted their Torah portions and delivered short sermons.

Robbins recalls reading the final words of her portion, her months of practice culminating in a deeply emotional moment: "Then, and only then, I allowed myself to take a deep breath," she says. "I looked up, and knew I was closer to God."

You've got this!

All three adult b'nei mitzvah look back fondly on their experiences and say they encourage other adults to pursue their own b'nei mitzvah.

"I recommend this journey to anyone who seeks a deeper meaning to love, life, and everyday miracles," says Robbins, who still marvels at becoming a bat mitzvah so late in life.

Gindin, too, rejects the idea that any age is "too old" to become b'nei mitzvah .

"You are, and always will be, exactly on time. There's a misconception that spiritual milestones have an expiration date - that if you didn't do it as a child, you've missed your chance," Gindin says. "But doing it as an adult brings its own kind of wisdom and richness. You're showing up with lived experience, with questions, and with a deeper sense of choice."

Harrison couldn't agree more.

"Growth is ongoing," he says. "If the very act of Creation can occur on an atomic level at every moment, then it's never too late for adults to embark on Jewish journeys."