Building Belonging Before Entering the Classroom

One of the most beautiful parts of Judaism is how our tradition provides us with opportunities for coming together. For families with children, finding those opportunities is not just a mitzvah, it's our responsibility! As we look to the start of a new school year, we can tap into our communities to create a sense of belonging that will strengthen our connections, model communities of belonging for our kids, and deepen our commitment to Jewish values.

Belonging starts with showing up, which is the hardest part for my family. While much of my work as a synagogue educator demands extroversion, I'm a natural introvert. There always seems to be some reason why I can't participate: I'm tired; there is laundry to do; when we went to Shabbat, the kids were bored; I don't know the other parents' names or contact info…the list goes on. Finding reasons to avoid engaging is easy, but when we aren't engaged, we lose out on the richness of Jewish community. My kids love to socialize and get to know other Jewish kids. For them, I will carpool, attend events, and become part of the community.

Finding the motivation to show up is exponentially harder when you've had negative experiences or been excluded in the past. Belonging becomes more challenging when Jewish communities around us aren't built with everyone in mind. Identifying programs that work to create a positive relationship with Judaism and prioritize community building in your area can make all the difference.

The start of a new year of Jewish learning brings with it opportunities for excitement and connection. Feeling a sense of belonging, especially for those who are new to a community or regularly experience microaggressions, can be daunting. In a national and global environment that seems to prioritize division, coming together can feel like a radical act. It is intimidating to put yourself out there as an adult, let alone a kid! Luckily, there are ways you can help smooth your child's leap into Jewish learning while building lifelong relationships.

Join the Text Group

Many parent groups and religious school classes create chat groups through a variety of apps. Participating in these groups can be a valuable way to know what is happening in your student's community and offers a way to join events, activities, carpools, meetups, and more. If your community does not yet have text groups set up, ask for class lists and email addresses to connect with other parents before school begins.

Bring Your Family to Shabbat Services

Okay, hear me out. I have often joked that whoever decided that Shabbat would take place after work and school clearly did not have kids. But the nights I feel the most exhausted and least inspired to drag my family to temple have been the most rewarding. Shabbat is one of the many ways Judaism helps us disconnect from the external pressures of the outside world and connect with each other.

Many synagogues offer a variety of Shabbat experiences for families: Tot Shabbat, community Shabbat dinners, family-friendly services, and more. Take a look at your local synagogue's calendar and pick a time to go. Community Shabbat provides opportunities to connect with other families with similar-aged kids. If it's part of your community's tradition, bring a dish to share for the oneg! Oneg Shabbatעֹנֶג שַׁבָּתThe "joy" of Shabbat—refers to refreshments after Shabbat services. The bonds that can be forged over a plate of brownies are truly amazing.

Plan a Social Gathering

If you find events in your community aren't quite meeting your family's needs, reach out to plan a gathering with others! Send a message to the group chat inviting your kiddo's classmates' families to meet you at the park, the wading pool, or Tot Shabbat. Potlucks and takeout are also great; most of us don't have time (or resources) to host everyone.

Summer meetups can go a long way toward getting to know others. When kids have a chance to meet outside the synagogue, they may feel less like strangers when religious school starts. As a bonus, planning to go to Shabbat services with friends is one of the best ways to get kids excited about going.

Connect with Your Local Jewish Federation and Community Centers 

Knowing what is on the Jewish Federation's calendar is another great way to find entry points into the local community. Attending events through our local PJ Library has been fantastic for meeting other parents in the area. After-school sports and camps through the Jewish Community Center can be other great ways to meet families. Though not all communities have a Jewish Federation or JCC, many organizations offer online opportunities for engagement. Finding your people and helping your child find theirs is essential! It feels extra special to find folks who love baseball, soccer, or cooking as much as we do!

Participate in Social Action Together

Judaism teaches us about the importance of social action. Volunteering as a family models this for our kids and helps us find purpose when we feel like the world is out of control. Many organizations and non-profits have opportunities for parents and children to volunteer together. From working in a community garden to making sandwiches for unhoused youth, there are plenty of ways even our youngest community members can participate.

Ensure Your Community Prioritizes Racial Equity, Diversity and Inclusion (REDI) 

Our families reflect the beautiful diversity of the Jewish people. This includes interfaith families, families with individuals with disabilities, multiracial families, members of the LGBTQ+ community, and other underrepresented identities. Take a look at the URJ's resources to help further your community's REDI efforts.

Starting religious school can be daunting for kids and caregivers alike. Being part of the Jewish community doesn't always feel like a given, but the relationships that can come from showing up are incredibly rewarding. Making friends, building community, and living our values can make a huge difference. Hopefully, these tips will help you and your budding scholars create a community where you all feel a sense of belonging and connection before setting foot in the classroom.