When Antisemitism Comes to School

I was at a New Year's Eve party when someone I didn't know sidled up next to me. She had learned that I was a rabbi who worked on raising awareness of antisemitism and had a few questions about posters a teacher had displayed on their classroom door. Her child was not a student in that classroom, but walked past the door several times a day. This was not the first time a stranger or acquaintance asked for guidance or a listening ear. I've been approached with concerns about antisemitism in schools, at the grocery store, and even after exiting the bathroom at my temple.

It makes sense. There is no comprehensive instruction manual for approaching teachers and administrators or teaching children about antisemitism. Unlike "What to Expect when You're Expecting" and "Our Bodies, Ourselves," which cover every angle of their respective subjects, those searching for information about antisemitism are likely to find hundreds of different resources, each coming from a different-and sometimes conflicting-point of view.

In case we don't run into one another in the produce aisle, here are several ideas and resources I often share.

To paraphrase the pre-flight safety demonstration on most modern aircraft, put on your own safety mask before helping others. In other words, before speaking to children, parents, teachers, or administrators, make sure you are comfortable in your own understanding of antisemitism. Read Five Definitions of Antisemitism to get a taste of what experts are saying and find the definition, or definitions, that speak to you.

Once you're comfortable with your understanding of antisemitism, you are ready to talk with the kids in your life. Five Tools to Help You Talk with Your Kids about Antisemitism is a great place to find resources for children of all ages. Talking about hatred, especially hatred that touches them, can be scary for many children and teens. Before reading a book, watching a video, or having a conversation, think about when and where it will be best received. Share any steps that your family, communal organizations, or city/town has taken to promote safety.

Antisemitism brings up many emotions, chief among them fear and anger. These feelings, along with Jewish intergenerational trauma, often cause us to think that every negative incident involving a Jewish person is antisemitism and that interactions around antisemitism will be confrontational. Though this is sometimes the case, administrators and educators are often unaware of Jewish culture and the nuances of antisemitism, needing more information and partnership.

Experts suggest that a critical factor to a good school experience is to form a relationship with at least one teacher. This is good advice for parents as well. Get to know your child's teacher or, if they have multiple teachers, choose one you think you might enjoy getting to know. Most parents get to know teachers and administrators in short snippets, like at report card pick-up or during challenging moments, when no one is at their best. Consider instead meeting with a teacher to go over math formulas you forgot long ago, chaperone a field trip, or make scenery for the school play. Think of what you do well and offer that skill to an overburdened administrator. I wrote grants and helped students with college essays. Anecdotal evidence shared from clergy, educators, and parents across the country shows that challenges are handled more quickly and effectively if there is a pre-existing relationship.

Relationships take time, but the investment is often worth it. If antisemitism-or any other challenge-arises, school leadership will see you as a person, not just another parent with a worry or complaint. Hopefully, you'll feel more comfortable bringing a difficult subject to someone with whom you've built trust.

If you're comfortable, set up a meeting now. If it would help you feel more comfortable, bring another Jewish parent. If there isn't another Jewish parent at school, bring an ally and expand the conversation to speak about inclusion or preventing hatred.

If you can't arrange a meeting, you can always share the resources on Reform Judaism's antisemitism page. If you are a member of a synagogue, consider asking a clergy person or educator to meet with the school administration so that there is a connection if something negative should occur.

If a child in your life encounters something they believe to be antisemitism, talk through the experience with them, ensuring their physical and emotional safety first. Help guide them toward an understanding of the difference between something that causes them discomfort and something that is hateful or antisemitic. If you find that an antisemitic incident has occurred, take a deep breath. Remember the advice about putting on your own oxygen mask first. Try to take control of your emotions before addressing the incident, problem solving, calling the principal, or posting on the school's parent social media site. If your child is a tween or teen, consider giving them agency in how they would like the matter to be handled.

As for the person who approached me at the New Year's Eve party, we came to the conclusion that the posters in and of themselves were promoting one culture, not denigrating another. Though the children passing by saw images of agriculture, some of the adults saw the promotion of a particular political position. Months later, she is still grappling with this nuance, though she has now made connections both with people who share her opinions and who disagree with her. They are listening to one another, grappling together, and building bonds which go beyond political ideology and allow them to see one another's humanity.

I wish the same for you and the children in your life.