The Torah In Haiku: Matot / Mas'ei

If you want justice
You must pursue it - speak out
Silence is assent

This week's haiku comes from a D'var Torah I wrote on Matot a couple of years ago, making a connection between the Torah portion and the fight for marriage equality. A week after the Supreme Court declared DOMA unconstitutional, it seems appropriate to share that D'var Torah here.

The vows of women
May be annulled by their dads
Or by their husbands

That is what I posted this week on my blog, The Torah in Haiku, to summarize the uncomfortable passages with which this week's portion (Matot) begin. Here, slightly abridged, is what we read in Torah:

"If a woman makes a vow … while still in her father's household … and her father learns of her vow … if [he] restrains her on the day he finds out, none of her vows … shall stand … If she should marry while her vow … is still in force … and her husband restrains her on the day he learns of it, he thereby annuls her vow."

This is one of those places in Torah where the inferior social and legal position of women is made clear. But there is something else here if we look a little closer - we can find a lesson beneath the sexism.

Note that in each case, the man must act "on the day he finds out" about the woman's vow. If the father or husband offers no objection when he learns of the vows, then the woman's vows will stand and will be binding. In the Talmud, Tractate Nedarim or "vows", the Rabbis say that silence in the presence of someone making a vow confirms the vow, but it takes words - spoken without delay - to negate or annul the vow. Simply stated, "silence is assent."

So maybe when I posted to my blog this week, a better haiku would have been:

To annul her vow
Dad must not wait to object
Silence is assent

Elsewhere in the Talmud, we learn that if a child sins in the presence of a parent and the parent remains silent, it is as if the parent encouraged the child's negative behavior.

It's easy to see how the failure of parents to speak up when children misbehave can lead to bad results. But when adults in our community act wrongly, failure to speak up - whether because of a fear of "making waves" or a desire to avoid becoming "confrontational" - can also have destructive consequences.

How often are we silent when we see acts of injustice or callousness? Do you respond with an obligatory laugh when you hear a derogatory joke, or do you let the joke teller know you are offended? How do react when a friend shares a piece of gossip about a neighbor? What do you say when political debate is dishonest? Do you challenge the lies, or do you opt to avoid confrontation?

Remember, silence is assent.

Students at DePaul University recently voted on a referendum - placed on the ballot by a Palestinian student organization - calling on the administration to stop selling an Israeli brand of hummus on campus. You may have heard that the referendum failed. You might not have heard that 75% of the vote was in favor of banning Sabra hummus. The referendum failed because the rules required that 1500 students participate in the election - but only 1467 students voted. Supporters of Israel were relieved at the result. Because 33 students remained silent, they assented to the status quo.

This time, it was good for the Jews, but still, silence was assent.

New York recently became the sixth state to legalize gay marriage, another step toward what many expect to be federal recognition of marriage for all citizens. Sadly, we still hear from those who oppose this basic right, but attitudes have clearly changed. One big reason is that our gay relatives, friends and neighbors took the advice of Harvey Milk and starting "coming out". Suddenly, gays were "everywhere" - in our schools, in our workplaces and, yes, in our places of worship. This helped to change attitudes as most people realized that there was nothing "not normal" about gays and lesbians. The earlier silence by supporters of gay rights assented to the status quo. Now, by embracing confrontation rather than avoiding it, supporters of gay marriage are answering the critics and gaining support.

Silence was assent. By speaking out, we are affecting change.

In a few weeks we will read these words in Deuteronomy - Tzedek, tzedek, tirdof (Justice, justice shall you pursue). Those words teach that we cannot wait silently for justice to come - we must pursue it.

Which brings me to a final haiku:

If you want justice
You must pursue it - speak out
Silence is assent

With the combined portions of Matot and Mas'ei read this week, we complete Bamidbar, the Book of Number.

Chazak, chazak, v'nitchazeik

Ed Nickow is a teacher and member of the Board of Trustees at Temple Chai, Long Grove, IL. This post is from his blog The Torah in Haiku.