Winterfaith

My partner tells a story about growing up in Oregon when he was about eight years old. A classmate asked him, "What are you?" My partner was confused and asked, "What do you mean, what am I?" The child responded, "You don't go to church on weekends… so you're not Christian… so what are you?" My partner remembers thinking for a minute before responding, and then settling on, "My family are campers, we camp on the weekends! We are campers." He went home and told his parents the story and they laughed and said, "You bet, buddy! We are campers."

I, on the other hand, was raised by wild Jewish hippies who divorced when I was three. They didn't seem to agree on much, however, they did agree to send me to Orthodox Jewish preschool, and private Jewish day school (on scholarship). While I didn't go home to any level of "normal" Jewish observance, at school, I studied Torah, learned how to speak and write Hebrew fluently, and gained deep knowledge around Jewish ritual practices (including how to lead a Passover seder by the time I was 10!).

So, when my partner and I met, not only did I have lots of Jewish knowledge, I felt strongly that we would raise our children Jewish. During our conversations about our future children, he asked thoughtfully if we could raise them as "Jewish campers"? I smiled and thought how important nature was to me and my childhood and immediately loved the idea…and for a while, that was that.

"Winterfaith" seems a much more apt description for me than "interfaith." We're not observing two religions; I was raised Jewish, and my partner was not. Together, we are raising our children as Jewish campers, and even after 15+ years of our relationship, 11 of which with at least one child, the winter holidays are when our "interfaith" background proves to be the most challenging. It was quite easy when it was just the two of us. However, once our children arrived, things became more complicated; there's no playbook for "Jewish campers." When we contend with the dominant "Christmas culture" is when our identity as a family becomes most challenging and exhausting.

Every year, I exhaust myself trying to make Hanukkah magical. My partner and I have a Hanukkah mensch that comes and makes HUGE messes like baking projects gone wrong, knocked-over Legos, and toilet-paper-covered rooms while we sleep, every night of Hanukkah…we go big (said mensch also "poops" gelt)! Our Hanukkah celebrations include parties, cookies, menorah cakes, presents, and so much more.

And while I know Christmas-observing parents are also exhausted over the holidays, I can't help but think, you are not even competing! You have the stores, the music, the entire cinema, 99% of the Hallmark channel, not to mention Starbucks's winter beverages! Would a "Lots of Light Latte" not be a crowd pleaser!?

While I am proud to be a Jew, if I'm honest with myself, part of the reason why I go all out for Hanukkah is because I am scared my kids won't love being Jewish as much as I do…and worse, I am scared they will be embarrassed and want to blend in with most of their friends, because most kids do. Christmas is freaking magical… it just is. I love Hallmark Christmas movies, being included in other people's holiday sweater parties, sipping eggnog, decorating a beautiful sparkly tree, and watching loving families exchange gifts. What's not to love?

However, as years pass, I've gained perspective. My kids no longer believe that Santa is even possible (which means I no longer have to explain why he doesn't come to our home, one of the few things I don't mourn as they grow up).

When Amazon sent their holiday toy catalogue last week, my nine-year-old screamed "Look! The Hanukkah catalogue came!" I laughed out loud. This year, my kids asked if we can have a Hanukkah party and explicitly asked to include their non-Jewish friends (even though I always tell them their friends from all backgrounds can be included). This tells me they feel they have something special they want to share… maaaaybe even something they are proud of?

It's funny… out of all the "alternative" or marginalized identities my kids have… it's their Jewishness I am scared they won't be proud of (something I know many Jewish parents struggle with). Right now, it doesn't feel like the world wants proud Jews. But every day, we are proud Jewish campers... be it the food we eat, the topics we discuss, the holidays we celebrate, the Hebrew school my kids attend, the hikes we take, etc.… Being Jewish campers is about much more than feeling left out of the magic of Christmas and I am starting to have faith that my children understand that. Besides… my kids will tell you that Jews wrote all the best Christmas songs.

I wish you and yours magic during this holiday season, whichever holiday or holidays you might celebrate!

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